Neighbors are the worst

Oh my flobbin' glob! I miss the days when the Latino gigolo and freaking Carl lived upstairs. Sure, i'd hear concert piano all the time, but the gigolo was really good at it. And yeah, it sounded like he was dropping a dozen bowling balls at once at least once a day. Sometimes listening to Carl's psychot girlfriend work out, yell at him about everything, and slam doors constantly sucked. But at least they walked like humans and NOT FRAGGLESNACKIN' ELEPHANTS ALL THE FLAPPIN' TIME! And to think, there's going to be baby up there soon screaming its fool face off at all hours. Oh gawd, what if they start that pacing shit to calm it down? They'll wear a chasm in the floor and fall through. Who the fuck has a baby in a downtown rental with a neighbor like me living downstairs? Don't they know i'm unstable? Don't they know i could explode this house at any time? Don't they realize i will be more likely to do so if i can't sleep because some dumb baby is bawling all night and ruining my life? They have to go. This is ridiculous. It's worse than the hookers who lived up there after Carl and the gigolo - always wearing their clompity-tromp high heels and going up and down the stairs draggin' dirty tricks around all damn day and night. I'd take the tramps back, even though they killed my tulips and had sex parties with hookas in the back yard right outside my bedroom window.

There, i said it. I'd rather share this house with a gigolo or dirty, sweat pants-wearing Carl or even actual actual prostitutes, than with a human baby.

True Dreams of Anxiety

So now I'm having panic attacks in my dreams.

Last night I watched a number of bizarre movies: "Black Sheep" (hilarious horror movie wherein genetically modified sheep turn people into sheep-zombie-monsters that eat your face off), "Poolboy" (just watch it - it's horrible, i can't explain. Danny Trejo is in it though, so that's rad), and "Upside Down" (a sci-fi dystopic fantasy with really beautiful imagery and a hokey love story).

This combination of films led to a night filled with some of the craziest dreams i've ever had - almost. Here are a few fragments:

First off, i dreamt of a group of people playing a D&D-type game. The DM found a spell that brought the game to life, so the players were actually manipulating people in a tiny world that they had to protect. Since the characters were real, they continued existing and doing stuff while the DM and players were away. This led to the players spending more and more time on the game so it could go their way. The DM's daughter (who was about 8) grew more and more resentful of her dad being so engrossed and also believed that what the players were doing was wrong. She learned the way to break the spell was to kill her father. So she poured drain cleaner in the mouth pieces of all his french horns - he had like 10. Anyway, i woke up before he used one but he was going down for sure.

Another little snippet involved "Up top" which was one of the worlds in the movie "Upside Down". There was a nightclub where rich people went to do drugs, get hookers, and dance. The drug they did was a type of liquid hallucinogen that was absorbed through the skin. This was administered to patrons by having them enter into a plastic tent where the drug was rained down on them - hence, getting wet. After getting all fucked up they would go find themselves a prostitute. The prostitutes were all naked and divided into 8 gangs. Whenever a girl stole a trick from another hooker clan, an eyeball-shaped tattoo would appear in one of eights colours. If a trick went back to the original hooker clan, the skin would split at the tattoo and bleed the colour out. The hookers with the most tattoos were the most highly sought after.

The final one i feel like sharing involved nearly all my friends at some point. We were on the top of a super tall building having a dinner party - OUTSIDE the building, mind you. On one end was a high brick wall and a partial roof. Two sides had a metal railing, but the fourth side was open. I was sitting at the open end. Most of the dinner went well and we were all delighting in the rushing wind and the horses, manta rays, and sea turtles we could see flying through the clouds above and around us. Then i realized how high we were and i asked my friend Sarge to switch with me so i could be by the railing. Then i got too scared to move and had a full-blown panic attack. I laid down and scooted on my belly to the brick wall and freaked out about the ladder i knew i'd never survive. I closed my eyes and when i opened them i was at my favourite ex-boyfriend's house. He had a new baby girl with his wife and i wanted to play with her. As i sat with her, she grew up. I was so sad that i wasn't her mom that started crying and the whole basement filled up with tears.

I woke up actually crying and decided it was time to get the hell out of bed.