Listen, i know shit sucks really, really fucking bad right now. I'm positive that you can never imagine anything hurting as much as this does right now. But hold on. Like, for real, grab a hold of something because it is going to get so much worse. There are going to be months straight where you cry yourself to sleep. You are going to fashion a fake arm and body out of pillows and blankets so you can even handle lying down at night and you are going to feel so empty and lonely that you are convinced you will never fall asleep happy or wake up content.
It's going to suck and be hard and i really can't even tell you how long it will last. I can't say definitively when the ache will go away, but it will. I can't remember when your heart starts to feel whole again - when you will learn to trust and let go. A long, long time.
But i can tell you this - in 12 years you are going to spend a day with a man you probably don't even believe exists right now. And on that day, you will build a blanket/pillow fort in your guest bedroom. You will fill it with only the things required to have the most awesome day you have ever had. Earthworm Jim will be there. You will smile and laugh until your face hurts more than your heart ever has. You will play and there will be sunshine.
There is no way to this fort, to this man, to this happiness without going through all that you are now. And you can handle this. You can handle anything. Let those feelings overtake you now as you will let them overtake you in 12 years. Because it is totally fucking worth it.
Or else i'd hand me these pictures and say "You'll see" in my best Bill and Ted impression.
This is what you will see when you open your guest bedroom door. Yes, your second bedroom in a kick-ass apartment you have all to yourself.
You came in through the porch - the ideal place to store empties and dirty dishes until cleaning time. It is also where the trash can and emergency flashlight are.
Fort Scolliwog is lit with your very own art.
When you look up, there is more art - plus the blankets lovingly crafted by the women of your family. (Spoiler: Aunt Deb made that pink one for a wedding gift for you and He Who Shall Not Be Named. You don't get married to him.)
The utility room - Earthworm Jim is the Super, so he hangs in there.
Wanna watch some TV? No problem.
Sofa King Worth It.