Friday, January 17, 2014

Well i'll be an uncle's Aunt Barbara

The title has nothing to do with this post. That's just something i accidently said today because i can't swear at my jobs - little ears, you know. I was going to say the monkey's uncle thing but uncle came out first so i just rolled with it.

This post is about periods. Not the dots at the end of many sentences, the kind ladies have. You know, where they bleed and get dumb up in their brain buckets and say stupid shit about uncles. Anyway, this goddamn bullshit has been going on for precisely 2/3 of my life. I should be used to it - a motherfuckin' pro, right? Wrong. I still think tampons should click when they're in right. Here's something men may not understand (as if any read past the first sentence of this paragraph): When a woman has unwittingly failed to properly position that chapstick-sized tube of dry cotton inside her bits and, say, has a coughing or sneezing fit or something, it feels like your twat's getting ripped in half. It's world-blackening, head spinning torture. ~2056 days of perioding, which is roughly in the neighborhood of  8224 insertions, assuming one switches it up with pads as i do, and at least once a month i have to experience that gut wrenching agony. ADD A FUCKING CLICKER! A man has walked on the moon for cryin' in the mud, but no one has bothered to create a smart tampon.

Well i quit. Life. The Universe. Everything. I'm out. If anyone asked what happened, tell 'em i coughed for a while, kicked a puppy, and fucked off forever.

Later, boners.

Monday, January 6, 2014

Thought for the New Year

So many people talking about bullies right now. Bullying is a huge problem. Really, duh. Sure was for me. I totally got the shit end of that stick for about the first 13 years of my life from everyone bigger than me. And, let me tell ya, that was everyone.

A bully is someone too scared to come at you alone. They may be the only one throwing rocks, punching bodies, calling names, or posting humiliating crap online BUT THEY ARE NOT ALONE. They are aided by each of us who doesn't scream until the rocks are dropped or hands are stilled or utterances are silenced or the passive and/or aggressive posts are ceased. If those cowards had no silent backing they would stop. Some of them don't even know they're being bullies simply because no one has ever taken the time to challenge them. No one has been brave enough to call "bullshit". I call bullshit right now. I seriously can't take any more. You don't want to see me angry