So i'm very good at making people uncomfortable, especially when i'm not trying or don't think about it. Today was a perfect example.
At the day care i cook at, we have a cart in the hallway where we leave free stuff for the families. It's usually full of toys and hygene stuff and food and clothes and the like. Today as i was walking past, i noticed a box that read METAL TRUCKS & CARS. It was full of vintage Tonka trucks, cars, tractors, and this weird "futuristic" vehicle thingy. I was going through it and thinking how much my brother Michael would have dug the stuff. My boss walked by and i said, "Man, my brother would LOVE this stuff." And she said, "Take 'em to him." To which i replied, as i dropped the future thing back in the box and walked away, "He's dead." I got about 10 steps down the hall before i realized how nonchalant and actually shitty that was. I turned around to say something else and she was standing there staring at me with her jaw on the floor. She was looking at me like i was a monster, a monster to pity, perhaps, but a monster nonetheless. All i could think of to say at that point was, "Or else i totally would." I mean, he IS dead and it sucks really hard but being sad and tip-toeing around the subject hasn't changed that in nearly 15 years, so why bother. If i get all Sad Manda about it people try to comfort me and that makes it worse. I'm not going for sympathy when i inform people that he died. I feel like it's best to be straight forward about the whole thing so no one tries to make me feel better because NEWSFLASH - you can never feel better about your brother being dead. It sucks forever, the end.
I think tomorrow i'll grab the coolest truck and put it on his grave.