Monday, February 3, 2014

I've got a knack for it, i guess

So i'm very good at making people uncomfortable, especially when i'm not trying or don't think about it. Today was a perfect example.

At the day care i cook at, we have a cart in the hallway where we leave free stuff for the families. It's usually full of toys and hygene stuff and food and clothes and the like. Today as i was walking past, i noticed a box that read METAL TRUCKS & CARS. It was full of vintage Tonka trucks, cars, tractors, and this weird "futuristic" vehicle thingy. I was going through it and thinking how much my brother Michael would have dug the stuff. My boss walked by and i said, "Man, my brother would LOVE this stuff." And she said, "Take 'em to him." To which i replied, as i dropped the future thing back in the box and walked away, "He's dead." I got about 10 steps down the hall before i realized how nonchalant and actually shitty that was. I turned around to say something else and she was standing there staring at me with her jaw on the floor. She was looking at me like i was a monster, a monster to pity, perhaps, but a monster nonetheless. All i could think of to say at that point was, "Or else i totally would." I mean, he IS dead and it sucks really hard but being sad and tip-toeing around the subject hasn't changed that in nearly 15 years, so why bother. If i get all Sad Manda about it people try to comfort me and that makes it worse. I'm not going for sympathy when i inform people that he died. I feel like it's best to be straight forward about the whole thing so no one tries to make me feel better because NEWSFLASH - you can never feel better about your brother being dead. It sucks forever, the end.

I think tomorrow i'll grab the coolest truck and put it on his grave.


  1. He would have laughed at how uncomfortable you made him.... I mean, the man made a career out of sharing the most uncouth and foulest parts of his life (body) with everyone. Love you Moostard.

  2. Oh man...first of all..sorry about your brother..and you're right, you're never going to feel good about that.

    I have a knack for saying awkward things as well. But really, how bad is it to just speak the truth? That's all you were doing..speaking the truth. I actually appreciate genuine people.

    don't be hard on yourself. :)

    1. I guess that's how i see it. Being honest always is how my Momster taught me to live. The truth might be hard to swallow but i feel like it's a band-aid, of sorts. And you know that shit is better off all at once than in tricky, slow little doses. Thank you, Michelle.